i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
