She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
