I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
