Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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