There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
