i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Randomize
