guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
