We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
