yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
