He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
