what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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