I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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