Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
