hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
so much tequila, so little girl.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
