I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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