i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
