We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
