i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
