EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
