So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Pooping to opera.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
