i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
