Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
