don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
