does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Porn is love you can see.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
