Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
