I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
