It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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