All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
