I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
