I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
