I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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