tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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