Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize