I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
