She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You pole danced in your parka.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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