Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
