Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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