trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
