dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
