Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
