Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize