So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
