I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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