you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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