let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My vagina is officially offended.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
