i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
