Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
