i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Boobs speak an international language.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
