Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
