I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
