and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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