its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
