she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
