so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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