I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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