I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
