I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
