I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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