he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
