so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i out mim tonsoeep
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